The Gospel According to Matthew

The title reminds me of a very entertaining and irreverent book, Lamb, the Gospel According to Biff, Christ's Childhood Pal, by Christopher Moore. Moore takes an unconventional view of the life of Christ looking at it through the eyes of Biff. He follows the Biblical record where it exists, but then makes up the entire portion of Christ's life from the age of twelve until he reappears on the scene at the age of 32 or 33. Basically the premise is that Christ and Biff travel the world seeking the original Three Wise Men who are immersed in different Eastern philosophies. It's a funny and witty book that explores the basis of religious philosophy. I highly recommend it.

But on to the subject at hand. Matthew, Chapters 1 through 5.

Chapter 1 is a pretty boring recitation of Christ's human lineage. Actually, it's Joseph's lineage, which doesn't really make a whole lot of sense, since Joseph had nothing to do with Jesus' conception. The lineage lists three sets of 14 generations. Seven is apparently a special number in the Bible, so 7x2x3 must be extra special. There are some interesting and recognizable people in the line: Abraham, Isaac, Ruth, David, Solomon, Uriah (of Heep fame), and Jehosephat (of jumping fame).

Another interesting tidbit that I'd never noted before....v.25 "[Joseph] had no marital relations with her until she had borne a son." You'd never know that, at least from Catholic tradition.

Chapter 2 is covers the birth of Jesus, complete with Wise Men, but no shepherds, and no manger. The wicked Herod is out to get the baby Jesus, but Mary and Joseph are too quick, and flee to Egypt. This brings up the first of many actions throughout the Gospels that have always struck me as a bit odd. Verse 15 states plainly, "This was done to fulfill what was spoken by the Lord through the prophet. When they left Egypt years later (verse 23), Joseph made his home in Nazareth, "so that what had been spoken through the prophets might be fulfilled. After you read a few of these, you start wondering whether the characters had a checklist of prophesies and were making sure that each was fulfilled.

Between Chapters 2 and 3 is the gap covered by Lamb. John the Baptist makes his appearence and baptizes Jesus in Chapter 3. I've never understood why Jesus would repent of his sins (what sins?) and be baptized by John, and neither did John, but he did it anyway.

In Chapter 4, Jesus goes into the wilderness after his baptism and meets Satan, who tries to test him, but Jesus doesn't bite and doesn't do any miracles for him. After the desert scenes, in verse 14, Jesus left Nazareth and made Capernaum his home (here we go again), "so that what had been spoken though the prophet Isaiah might be fulfilled....." This is when he starts his ministry in earnest, recruiting Peter, Andrew, James and his brother John as disciples, and goes on the miracle tour, "proclaiming the good news of the kingdom and curing every diesease and sickness among the people." (v. 23) He became a star!

Chapter 5 is the chapter that all of the right-wing,whacko, fundamentalist, Bible-thumping, bloodthirsty "Christians" seem to ignore. This is the Christianity that I grew up with, and even though the "seed fell upon barren ground" and the whole Christian concept never "took" with me, this chapter is the essence of what I envision a Christian life would be like. Can you imagine Jerry Falwell (burn baby, burn) or James Dobson or Pat Robertson ever quoting v. 9, "Blessed are the peacemakers for they will be called the children of God." How about W. himself quoting v. 39, "But I say to you, do not resist an evildoer." W. was always big on evildoers.

This chapter has some very familiar quotes that a lot of people wouldn't think come from the Bible. v. 13, "You are the salt of the earth...." Reagan liked v.14, " A city on a hill cannot be hid." It seems that whenever the USA imagines itself as a "city on a hill" disaster is sure to follow.

But there is also some weirdness in this chapter. Check out v.17, "Do not think that I have come to abolish the law or the prohets; I have come not to abolish but to fulfill." I guess that means we should stone adulterers, homosexuals, and kids who mouth off to their parents. Or at least keep kosher. And one of my favorites (and Jimmy Carter's), v.28, "But I say to you that everyone who looks at a woman with lust has already committed adultery with her in his heart." This isn't just temptation and resisting temptation. If you think about it, you've done it. That has never made sense to me. If it's true, I'll certainly burn in hell. And then there's v.34, "But I say unto you, Do not swear at all..." v. 37, "Let your word be 'Yes, Yes' or 'No, No'; anything more than this comes from the evil one." So why does this supposedly Christian country insist on swearing everything on the Bible?

Anyway, enough said for now. There will be more.